Mid Session Meanderings

What is it that this person needs from me right now/
Can I meet that need/ If not, why not/
Is this my barrier, or theirs/ I doubt they need a solution, so/
How do I document that all I did was showed up, and cared about them?

Should I ever tell them,
perhaps not in these words,
that I love them/ What would that activate in their attachment and nervous system/
What does it bring up in my attachment and nervous system/ Who never told them ‘I love you’?
Why is it so hard for some people to say ‘I love you’?

What story did they create about not being told ‘I love you’/
How do I track the art of teaching someone to love themselves/ And how do I convey to insurance that what we are doing matters/ Even if nothing changes on paper/
How do I show them that they matter/ In this 50 minute snapshot of restrictions of
time/
insurance/
training/
trauma/
and every other factor outside of our control?

A reminder that I am not responsible
for them but to them/

But, what if I was not built to hold this much/

Can I practice what I preach and know my limitations/
And is this the dreaded burnout they warn us about/ or simply the work of being a professional holder/
witnesser/
metabolizer/
analyzer
knowing you can’t be a repairer/
savior/
omnipotent other?

And is this experience of pressure mine or theirs/ And why don’t they talk more about countertransference in graduate school/
How is AI going to change my practice/ Is art truly dead/
Maybe this is another lesson in grief/
Why am I thinking about grief/
Maybe my client is the one in the room feeling afraid of things ending/ Can we hold this uncertainty together/
Or will they push me away?




What is my role in staying/
leaving/
attuning/
containing/
without agenda/
saving/
dissociating/
withdrawing?

Is there a book I should be reading in order to not be asking these questions/
what will my mentors say/
can they hold this with me/ or will it be too much/
and interwoven into it all/
is this outfit too trendy for a therapist to be wearing?